Meditations, Notes and Postcards

Parts 1, 2 and 3 of my 12 Days of Christmas series

Sun, 06 Dec 2009 17:29:33 GMT

I've started a 12 Days of Christmas radio series where I'm posting a radio episode every other day for 24 days. These are shorter episodes (mostly under 10 minutes with exception of When Christmas Isn't Christmas Anymore). Here are the first three:

Starting to post my episodes here starting today

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 03:04:23 GMT

So in August I started a story telling podcast. I totally haven't really been putting them here since I think most of you are on my email list. However, I thought I'd start posting them. Here are the nine previous episodes:

for those of you in PA for thanksgiving weekend

Mon, 23 Nov 2009 02:57:17 GMT

my parents are setting their burn pile on fire (assuming the conditions are right, so if any of you are around you should come.

for podcasters and audiophiles

Wed, 19 Aug 2009 00:02:03 GMT

I realized that I've advertised in pretty much every location (including postcards and stickers in coffee shops and random bathrooms in New York and on several listservs and podcast websites) but not here yet.

So here's the deal: I've been hard at work interviewing and producing radio segments for my own podcast as a hobby over the past year or so. I'll be updating the podcast (which is called Radio Waves) every 2 weeks, most episodes will be twenty minutes to a half an hour unless it's a "Radio Wave" which is 10 minutes or under.

You can subscribe to the podcast directly through iTunes by following this link: http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewPodcast?id=324684585

You can also listen online by visiting my website: www.radiowavespodcast.com or through the Public Radio Exchange: http://www.prx.org/series/31270-radio-waves. You can check out the most recent episodes and look at the three upcoming episodes that are coming up. I'll be updating the website every two weeks as well.

Radio Waves is basically a story telling show, though if I can convince various fun lecture series around New York to let me record them and partner with them, then it'll expand to just radio randomness and anything I can produce.

If you know anyone who is a big podcaster or radio listener, please forward them the website and tell them to download. I'm in the process of working on tons more episodes and I'm really excited for what's coming up. Let me know what you think of the first episodes: Hot Dogs & Democracy and An American in Xining.

more in andrew's fascination with missed connections on craigslist

Wed, 11 Feb 2009 04:47:53 GMT

so i still look at these because they are often amazing and interesting (let me remind you of the squirrel whisperer last fall). here are two ads from the other day, side by side, with the same flow and voice. i found them amusing.

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/1029635297.html

man with the really intense face - 18

Reply to: pers-1029635297@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-02-10, 7:38PM EST

I was wondering how a man with such huge lips and a stretched out face like your own could exist in the world. It was like seeing a real life human caricature. That's pretty cool but you looked so sad. Is it because of your face or what? I think we should hang out, man! I want to see a movie with you and see you smile and just chill with you!

and then...

http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/1029632039.html

woman with the small child - 18

Reply to: pers-1029632039@craigslist.org ^[?]
Date: 2009-02-10, 7:38PM EST

It must have been hard pushing that carriage around, especially with the three year old tugging on your arm. It must be rough being a mother, but I've always wanted to have children myself. I wonder if we could talk sometime? I want to wait, obviously, but I have always wanted a child, and would love to talk to you about it, maybe ever try and find a baby sitting job because I love kids that much.

more political fun from Jake Goldman

Fri, 06 Feb 2009 16:50:06 GMT

Here is what probably happened at Howard Dean's home yesterday:

[Howard Dean is sitting in a chair in his underwear, eating a bowl of beans with a fork. His hair is really messed up. The TV is blaring an interview between President Barack Obama and NBC News Anchor, Brian Williams.]

OBAMA: I'm frustrated with myself, my team. I'm here on television saying I screwed up.

[Dean chokes on beans and starts screaming]

DEAN: God damn right you did!

OBAMA: I screwed up.

DEAN: I know!

OBAMA: I've got to own up to my own mistakes.

DEAN: That is right! [Dean throws bowl against the wall] BOOM! I AM A DOCTOR!

JUDITH DEAN: [from her bedroom] Howard, please!

DEAN: No! I will not! Daschle's gone and the Dean is IN, woman!

JUDITH DEAN: They'll probably appoint Ron Wyden.

DEAN: Says who?

JUDITH DEAN: Bloggers.

DEAN: I'll show you bloggers...

[Dean runs over to a phone and starts dialing. A woman answers.]

WOMAN ON PHONE: Well, hello baby.

DEAN: What? Who is this? I need to speak with the President, immediately.

WOMAN ON PHONE: What number are you trying to reach?

DEAN: 1-800-Obama

WOMAN: You dialed 1-800-Omama. It's sex talk with actual moms.

DEAN: I'll stay on the line.

[Two hours later, Dean is in the backyard gluing a bunch of PVC pipe and belts together]

JUDITH DEAN: What in God's name are you doing?

DEAN: I'm making a helicopter. And going to Washington.

JUDITH DEAN: No you are not. We have a car. Three cars, actually.

DEAN: I delivered children into this world, I can make a helicopter.

JUDITH DEAN: Not the same thing.

DEAN: Really? Aren't they? [Dean straps on goggles, gets in and miraculously flies away]

JUDITH DEAN: I can't believe it...

[Suddenly, a plane flies through the air and hits the Dean-copter]

SULLY THE PILOT: Oh fuck, really? Is there any water around us?

COPILOT: Doesn't look like it.

SULLY THE PILOT: Well, at least I got to go to the Super Bowl.

COPILOT: I'm still mad you didn't take me.

SULLY THE PILOT: You get too drunk and say horrible things to women.

Meanwhile, at the Whitehouse...

OBAMA: [hanging up the phone] Well, apparently Howard Dean is stuck in a jet-engine.

RAHM EMMANUEL: Yes!

OBAMA: Any thoughts on who could do it?

[Bill Bradley pops up from behind a plant]

BILL BRADLEY: I'll do it.

RAHM EMMANUEL: How did you get in here?

BILL BRADLEY: I'm really good at tunneling. And basketball.

OBAMA: I...fine, you can have it.

BILL BRADLEY: Sweet! I want my office to be in here.

RAHM EMMANUEL: No, this is the President's office.

BILL BRADLEY: I don't see what the problem is.

OBAMA: I screwed up.

BILL BRADLEY: I am a doctor now.

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/jake-goldman/howard-dean-must-be-losin_b_164012.html

Jake Goldman is a writer and comedian in New York City and always makes me feel awkward when he talks to me at comedy shows that Syracuse people frequent.

Easiest meme ever. 99 Things.

Thu, 08 Jan 2009 01:43:19 GMT

Things you’ve already done: bold
Things you want to do: italicize
Things you haven’t done and don’t want to - plain font

1. Started your own blog.

2. Slept under the stars.

3. Played in a band.
TSS Eliot! and mandolin in that band in high school

4. Visited Hawaii.

5. Watched a meteor shower.
Many

6. Given more than you can afford to charity.

7. Been to Disneyland/world.

8. Climbed a mountain.
The biggest in New York and 7th biggest in Mexico!

9. Held a praying mantis.

10. Sang a solo.

11. Bungee jumped.

12. Visited Paris.

13. Watched a lightning storm at sea.

14. Taught yourself an art from scratch.

15. Adopted a child.

16. Had food poisoning.

17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty.
I've been to the Statue of Liberty but they usually don't let you walk to the top since 9/11

18. Grown your own vegetables.

19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France.

20. Slept on an overnight train.

21. Had a pillow fight.

22. Hitch hiked.

23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill.

24. Built a snow fort.

25. Held a lamb.

26. Gone skinny dipping.
More times than I can count on my hand!

27. Run a marathon.

28. Ridden a gondola in Venice.

29. Seen a total eclipse.

30. Watched a sunrise or sunset.

31. Hit a home run.
Tball count?

32. Been on a cruise.
Day-long booze cruise count?

33. Seen Niagara Falls in person.

34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors.

35. Seen an Amish community.

36. Taught yourself a new language.
Did I have to be successful? I taught myself sanskrit one summer.

37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied.

38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person.

39. Gone rock climbing.

40. Seen Michelangelo’s David in person.

41. Sung Karaoke.

42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt.

43. Bought a stranger a meal in a restaurant.

44. Visited Africa.

45. Walked on a beach by moonlight.

46. Been transported in an ambulance.

47. Had your portrait painted.

48. Gone deep sea fishing.

49. Seen the Sistine chapel in person.

50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris.

51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling.

52. Kissed in the rain.

53. Played in the mud.

54. Gone to a drive-in theater.

55. Been in a movie.
I was a zombie!

56. Visited the Great Wall of China.

57. Started a business.

58. Taken a martial arts class.

59. Visited Russia.

60. Served at a soup kitchen.

61. Sold Girl Scout cookies.

62. Gone whale watching.

63. Gotten flowers for no reason.

64. Donated blood.

65. Gone sky diving.

66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp.

67. Bounced a check.

68. Flown in a helicopter.

69. Saved a favorite childhood toy.

70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial.

71. Eaten Caviar.

72. Pieced a quilt.

73. Stood in Times Square.

74. Toured the Everglades.

75. Been fired from a job.

76. Seen the Changing of the Guard in London.

77. Broken a bone.

78. Been on a speeding motorcycle.

79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person.

80. Published a book.

81. Visited the Vatican.

82. Bought a brand new car.

83. Walked in Jerusalem.

84. Had your picture in the newspaper.

85. Read the entire Bible.

86. Visited the White House.

87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating.

88. Had chickenpox.

89. Saved someone’s life.
And then they'll save mine and we'll be friends forever!

90. Sat on a jury.

91. Met someone famous.

92. Joined a book club.

93. Lost a loved one.

94. Had a baby.

95. Seen the Alamo in person.

96. Swum in the Great Salt Lake.

97. Been involved in a law suit.

98. Owned a cell phone.

99. Been stung by a bee.

beware! (a plug for amazon)

Fri, 05 Dec 2008 15:26:48 GMT

So I woke up this morning and Bank of America emailed me about suspicious activity. Union Gospel Mission had charged $1900 to my credit card. Yeah, the one sitting in my wallet. I called and canceled the card and it'll be fine, but 'tis the season.

The thing is, I had to buy a harddrive online yesterday for my nonprofit (for reimbursement, of course) and I bought it through a really good, solid business, Western Digital. I've bought through them before too. However, I do realize that I've been buying microphones and video tapes and such through other, smaller companies so it could have been those companies who let my credit card number loose.

Either way, I realize that all the things I wanted I could have bought from Amazon. Amazon is secure and big enough that they have to do all this crazy anti-theft stuff and they buy from the small businesses. So, the moral of the story is that if you are doing some online Christmas shopping, go Amazon.

another craigslist missed connection

Wed, 12 Nov 2008 03:15:24 GMT

http://newyork.craigslist.org/brk/mis/913327273.html

Sunday Nov. 9

Me: glasses, brown hair, gray jacket, green scarf, waiting outside the Roebling Tea Room for a table.

You: John Darnielle, founding member (for a long time the only member) of the band The Mountain Goats.

You asked me and my friend if we were in line or just waiting. My friend had no idea who you were and talked to you. I said nothing. Mostly I worried you had been there a long time and I had said something dumb. I think I was talking about the Phillies.

A man had been driving around the neighborhood all morning playing old standards really loudly and singing along to them really loudly. He came around to the intersection singing along to a song about someone named Barbara. We all smiled.

I meant to thank you for being so great. Your music means a lot to me. I don't know if you saw me in the front at Webster Hall that night but if you did and you recognized me I hope that wasn't weird.

(readers should note that the webster hall concert was in late february or early march....)

lines from a gchat that i just had....

Tue, 11 Nov 2008 14:15:01 GMT

Jessica: http://www.buzzinpopmusic.co.uk/the-monster-song-%E2%80%93-psapp-%E2%80%93-single-review/277

me: it looks like something jon moses (you remember him?) would have animated. i like it though, especially the percussion on the song.

Jessica: yeah i love the band their new album is so much fun

me: i've never heard of them

Jessica: rape

me: is that a proposition?

Jessica: whoa whoa! what happend
i typed
"it makes me miss the mixtape"
what the hell?

i think obama represents a herring more than a shrimp

Thu, 06 Nov 2008 03:21:20 GMT

i can still hardly believe it...

Wed, 05 Nov 2008 18:34:45 GMT

i remember watching him announce in february of 2007 and thinking it would be nice, but he'd have to wait at least a decade

i remember arguing with my roommate in march of 2007 about how he should wait and hearing the argument that mario cuomo chose to wait after his 1984 speech and it never arrived

i remember seeing him at 15% against clinton in the polls in july of 2007

i remember sitting at the table at christmas time with my family and my sister's in-laws and listening to the argument of why he couldn't win

i remember so many times in the past two years when it felt childish and naive to support him, but i have... since the beginning

and i will remember being shoulder to shoulder with everyone in the streets of harlem, hugging and shaking hands with everyone and watching him on the big screen...

Irregularity much?

Tue, 04 Nov 2008 12:31:08 GMT

So I went to the polls at 6 AM and WOW, the line was around the block. I went during the primaries and it wasn't that way at all. There was maybe 10 people outside on February 5th and that was with a tight race in NY between Obama and Clinton. However, I got in and out in about an hour.

What was strange was that despite living in my same apartment for over 2 years and voting at the same polling place in February (where I was on the books), I wasn't listed this time around.

It's vaguely suspicious. However, I was given a paper ballot and able to vote with ease, so whatever strangeness occurred, I was still able to vote with ease.

So weird irregularity, which I intend to report after the election (he lines are busy for my county election authority), but I was still able to vote!

GObama!

Meditations on the Final Week of the Election

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 03:34:18 GMT

I'm not an election strategist and I haven't put anyone in office ever, so I have no authority to say this. I can, however, offer two observations to support the claims and whining I'm about to spew everywhere.

Here is the first observation: Obama has done really well this election by controlling his narrative and McCain's. He picked two themes early and has hit them home; I'm change and McCain is 4 more years of Bush (which some might argue is a hard claim to make but he's cemented it!). He's also only made two major gaffes; Clinging to guns and religion and spreading the wealth.

Here is the second observation: McCain has run a horrible campaign. He decided on his main message pretty late. I think he had 'leadership we can believe in' in June and eventually settled on Country First in August and found the Maverick during the convention. Maverick back fired because Obama was able to pin 'erratic' to him so that whenever he did something to support the maverick claim, it looked erratic. Also, he's made a ton of gaffes.

During the debates a new theme emerged that supported Obama and cemented people's image of him: steady hand. It sealed the deal for many and has made it difficult for McCain to recover.

However, this past week has been different. McCain can sum up his closing argument in two words: socialism and untested (refering to Obama), which is gaining traction and controlling the recent news debates. Obama has a closing argument oriented towards change, but it can't be summed up in one or two words and isn't making headlines because he's defending the socialist attacks.

I don't know why Obama isn't just saying the words 'steady hand'. We've seen how the economic crisis 'tested' McCain and Obama and it was Obama who had a steady hand. As far as the socialism line goes, say it's the McCain camp being desperate and erratic and by the way Obama has a steady hand. Then pivot to Obama's tax policy helping the middle class more than McCain's.

BAM! "steady hand". Say it at least 30 times in every stump speech and make sure every surrogate says it 50 times. Then the election is Obama's.

However, it's nice to see that McCain's attacks aren't doing anything and aren't moving the polls. I'm just fearful that if he pushes it another week it might take hold unconsciously...

Anyway, cross your fingers and vote Obama.

a 'missed connection' found on craigslist....

Mon, 27 Oct 2008 13:19:26 GMT

newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/mis/893806869.html

Squirrel Whisperer (Union Square)

Date: 2008-10-26, 2:30AM EDT

Last Friday, I saw you in Union Square park. I was with two friends, so I know I was not hallucinating. You were standing, talking to a man sitting on a bench. All around you, squirrels were congregating. I don’t know why, because you didn’t appear to have food or beckon them in any way. Then, I swear, I saw you swoop down and grab a squirrel with your bare hands. You stood there, squirrel in hand, still talking to the guy on the park bench. It made a couple of squirrel-y squeaks, but did not fight you or try to get away. Then, I swear I am not making this up, you stuffed the squirrel into your jacket!!!

While I stood there, slack-jawed, I was trying to figure out a way to approach you and inquire into your magical squirrel-charming abilities. Unfortunately, you left (with the live squirrel still inside your jacket) before I had a chance. If you read this, Squirrel Whisperer, or anyone who knows of the Squirrel Whisperer, please e-mail me. I must have answers!!!

.... i love how this was posted at 2:30AM. clearly losing sleep over this

more cute things from andrew....

Sun, 26 Oct 2008 16:11:18 GMT

you have to LISTEN to this one....

a public service announcement (designed for me)

Wed, 22 Oct 2008 02:17:49 GMT

</div>

i love this...

Tue, 21 Oct 2008 02:12:34 GMT

http://www.overheardinnewyork.com/archives/008935.html

from a friend of mine: http://www.236.com/blog/w/jake_goldman/joe_the_plumber_the_tv_series_9569.php

Thu, 16 Oct 2008 03:13:32 GMT

Anchor: We now return to Joe the Plumber, already in progress.

[Joe, his wife Lisa and his two children, Timmy and Plunge, are all sitting around the television, smiling and attentively watching the debate.]

McCain: Joe the Plumber--

Lisa: Honey! They mentioned you.

Joe: Well, would you look at that! Kids, I think everything is going to be ok this year--

Obama: Joe the Plumber--

Timmy: They're saying it a lot, dad.

Lisa: That's because they love your father, dear.

Joe: Alright, alright. That's enough excitement for one night.

Obama: Joe the Plumber, let me tell you something--

McCain: Joe the Plumber, you are an honest man, you worked hard at your job--

Plunge: Is he my uncle?

Joe: I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOING ON.

Lisa: Lock all the doors, kids.

Obama: Just like Joe the Plumber--

Joe: I HAVE A LAST NAME.

Lisa: Honey, it's ok.

[Joe stands, foaming at the mouth he takes off his shoe and starts eating it.]

Lisa: Joe, please!

Timmy: What's happening to daddy?

Lisa: Go to your room...NOW. [To Joe.] Look, Joe, it worked for "Thomas the Tank Engine."

Joe: I AM NOT A FUCKING TRAIN.

Lisa: Well, you know...you kind of are one...in the bedroom...

Joe: Now is NOT the time, Joe the Plumber's Wife.

[Lisa gasps.]

Joe: Oh Jesus Christ. Now I'm doing it. [He starts inching towards the window, solemnly.]

Lisa: Joe, wait--this is only on until 11...

[Joe the Plumber jumps through a glass window and into a tree. Lisa rushes to the window.]

Lisa: Joe! Are you alright?

Joe: THIS IS WHERE I LIVE NOW.

McCain: Joe the Plumber, guess what? You're rich!

Lisa: Joe--don't do it. Look, the Senator just said you're going to be rich.

Joe: Satan is my master.

Lisa: What?

Joe: Get me my tools!

Lisa: Your set of plungers and wrenches?

Plunge: Why are daddy's eyes red?

Lisa: Plunge, no! Go back to your room!

[Joe's arms stretch just like those stretch Armstrong dolls and grabs plunge. He eats him whole and laughs. Lightening strikes a lot of times in a row.]

Lisa: Joe! That is your son! You just ate your son!

Joe: NONE SHALL PASS!

[Joe jumps down, rips tree out of the ground, throws it across an entire field. He then turns himself into a blade and well, you know where it goes from there.]

mud mondays

Tue, 07 Oct 2008 01:33:33 GMT

after today's mudslinging from the two candidates who were most likely to run respectful and positive campaigns, i don't think i'd ever believe in a politician taking the highroad to the white house.

on a fun note though, i have met bill ayers twice and he's advised my nonprofit.

whoa! can't run for president now....

Scranton on SNL

Mon, 06 Oct 2008 01:54:03 GMT

Here was a Scranton reference from the SNL spoof of the VP Debates:

SUDEIKIS AS BIDEN: "You know I get a little tired of being told I'm an insider. I come from Scranton, Pennsylvania and that's as hardscrabble a place as you're gonna find. I'll show you around some time and you'll see. It's a hellhole. An absolute jerkwater of a town. You couldn't stand to spend a weekend there. It is just an awful, awful sad place filled with sad desperate people with no ambition. Nobody, and I mean nobody, but me has ever come out of that place. It's a genetic cesspool. So don't be telling me that I'm part of the Washington elite because I come from the absolute worst place on Earth: Scranton, Pennsylvania. And Wilmington, Delaware is not much better."

Gotta love Scranton....

Pace University

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 17:49:27 GMT

Open Letter to Pace University:

Fuck you. Because of you I can't pay rent this month because you have money that I was never supposed to send to you and you are too unorganized and incompetent to do anything right or without having to call or show up in person to ask for you to get it done. It should have been put in my bank account already. It should have and it's not there. So, fuck you, Pace University. I'm only writing this so that everyone on the internet can see and hopefully not seek any education through you because anything you do (organizationally speaking) is a cluster-fuck.

Fuck you. I'm furious.

Andrew

he's got the squirrel vote too!

Tue, 30 Sep 2008 20:50:11 GMT

Man, he's pretty nuts for Obama! Whoa whoa, hey! There! I said it! hehehe

Meditations on Lady Albert

Tue, 09 Sep 2008 15:30:23 GMT

I stayed with Sarah in Chelsea last night and when I woke up this morning I saw that Matt had called me 9 times between 12:10 and 12:26 am, left me a text that said "call me now" and left a message telling me there was an emergency. I texted him and he called me back to tell me that a "big ass" raccoon got into the coop and killed my lovely pet chicken, Lady Albert, last night. It made me so sad to hear.

I was just working on my computer in the yard yesterday when she plopped herself down next to me and clucked and I petted her and laughed. She followed me into the house a bunch yesterday too. She was definitely doing so well and we were spending so much time together. So I texted Kate, the girl who gave her to me, and we talked a bit about her. I told her to make sure to tell Lady Albert's original owners, Meme and Kat.

I just buried her just about an hour ago and patted down the last of the dirt in my yard as rain started to pour all around me. It was dreary and oddly appropriate. I said some words and teared up a bit and that was that. What I think made me the saddest though is just that she died in pain and it had to be terrifying. Many of our pets have been put to sleep after long lives and even though it's hard to let them go, it's easier that way. Looking at her body this morning was hard just because of the images it conjured up.

Lady Albert's life was filled with adventure, from her unknown but clearly perilous origin story to ingesting poison and surviving that. She was very social and very very sweet. I really loved her like a cat or a dog and I'm really going to miss her.

I still have six of her eggs left. I'm not sure what to do with them. I feel like I can't just make my regular omelettes. I should do something bigger and eat whatever it is with friends. Any recipe ideas? A keish?

So rest in peace, Lady Albert Chickenstein. You were a good friend, with tasty eggs and a good heart. We had such fun times and I will remember you.

Why Politicans Like to Talk About Scranton

Mon, 08 Sep 2008 04:10:48 GMT

Enjoy!

http://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=94322901